Being sad is very different for a child from crying. Crying is an active, protesting state, whereas being sad is a passive, low-keyed one. Crying can serve many purposes-anger, protest, a call for help, or just letting off steam at the end of the day. After the crying period is over, the emergency will have been met, someone is likely to have responded, and everyone feels better. Life can be resumed. Not so with sadness. Sadness is a more prolonged state for the child. She is likely to respond to this feeling with little physical activity and few bodily changes. The depressed feelings do not express themselves or get alleviated easily. Since these feelings cannot be changed right away, they are likely to be frightening to parents. Parents may easily overreact, trying to push the child out of her “mood”, or they may try to ignore it in her. Neither approach is likely to work for more than temporary periods. Sadness in a child is likely to represent a real cry for help.
How does a parent evaluate periods of sadness, and help the child pull out of them? First of all, timing should be considered. Do these periods come at a time when there are real and understandable which the child might find difficult to understand or to handle? If so, there is already a better chance of helping the child recognize the reasons behind her sadness.
“How entrenched are these periods?” Is the child unreachable or can she cheers up when interesting events occur? If the former is true, it is a measure of how deeply affected she may be. But the fact that she can be cheered up or it may well be an indication of things that deserve attention.
Finally, how much does this sadness invade other areas of the child’s life, especially her relationships with others? Does it keep her from wanting to play with her friends, or do her friends shun her because she is sad? Do you feel sad when you are around her? All of these would be indications of the extent to which her sadness was affecting her, and could be used as guidelines in deciding how much should be done about it.
Please also read my article about The Guidelines when a Child is Having Fear
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