When a child is having fears, I recommend the following:
1. First, see the fears as part of a normal spurt in development. In an older child the fears may accompany adjustment to a stress at school or at home. Or they may occur at time when the child is trying to deal with aggressive or competitive feelings. If parents look on fears this way, they can be less frightened of the symptoms in the child and lessen the anxiety around this symptom.
2. Offer the child reassurance about himself as well as (more directly) about the feared objects. Try to face them honestly and directly, but don’t expect reassurance to allay them. A deeper understanding of way he may be fearful is the ultimate goal, but it may be hard to put into words. Often it is better expressed indirectly in ways that give the child permission to act out aggression or to verbalize anxieties and competitive feelings. Giving him acceptable ways to be aggressive and reassuring him about them may help a lot.
3. Do not let up on discipline and limits, but let the child know all over again the reason for the limits and how they help control the very feelings he may fearful of. Congratulate him openly when he can conform to these limits and be patiently understanding when he can’t. Let him know from you that it is learning process which takes time. No one really likes to learn these limits.
4. Make the child aware of acceptable outlets for the negative or aggressive feelings. Talk openly of how other members of the family or of how friends he cares about handle their aggressive feelings. Introduce sports and other acceptable ways for expressing these normally developing emotions.
5. Help the child begin to express himself and to understand why he feels these negative, angry, and aggressive feelings. In doing so, you will be establishing invaluable patterns for sharing the inevitable turmoil’s of later periods, of adolescence, etc. Fears can be seen as a window into the inevitable periods of adjustment which all small children must go through.
Maybe you interested with my other article about Understanding The Aggression in a Child
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