Have you seen a little child attack each other when they are playing? One will attack the other; the one who gets attacked will look absolutely shocked and show that she is suddenly realizing that it hurts to be bitten or to have one’s hair pulled. This can be the first vivid lesson in what it means to act upon another person. if she feel hurt so she will never do it again later.
Learning to share can be painful but rewarding. Learning to share may be the most difficult aspect of growing up in a family. But it is also the most important thing one can learn in childhood, for learning to share means learning to understand the other person’s feelings. Parents have their own problem with sharing. In thinking about a new baby, few parents feel really competent to care for more than one child. And this sense of inadequacy may well convey itself to the first child as a fear of not being available to her. Having more than one child does demand that parents plan to divide their attention. Saving a special time for the older child becomes as important as being available to the baby.
When you are expecting a new baby, prepare the older child for the separation and then for the changes in your relationship. Let her learn to participate with you and identify with you as a caregiver for the new baby. After the new baby is at home, and many things are demanding your time and energy be sure you save a special time for them especially for your older child. Each older child deserves a small segment of protected time for each parent. The amount of time doesn’t matter, but the quality of it does. One hour a week for each child with each parent can be like pure gold in maintaining your relationships. Spacing of children should be a selfish decision, with as much consideration for one’s own available energies and needs as possible.
The Guidelines Learning to Share with Your Child
• Do not allow your own problems with separation from the older child to keep you from sensing the child’s loneliness.
• Prepare the older child for the separation of your going away to have a new baby. Bring a special “love” home for the older child to play with and to imitate you as you care for your baby.
• Set up special occasions for the older child to hold and care for the new baby.
• Have special times to be with the older child and plan them without the new baby.
• Talk about these special times at all other times to make them symbolize how much you miss the earlier one-to-one relationship.
• When parents are not too stressed by sibling rivalry, it is easier for the child to express her feelings.
• Be prepared for the developmental regressions that are likely to occur in the older child, for example, increased negativism and temper tantrums, a recurrence of wetting the bed, baby talk, wanting to be treated like a baby, etc. The older child usually will regress in the areas she has just mastered, but the regression may be less obvious and less specific. A parent’s role is to support, not to punish or to show disappointment. Special attention to the older child’s needs for other outlets will certainly pay off. The natural negativism of the second year can find outlets in imitative play with other negative 2-year-old.
• All of these point to the importance of deciding when to have a second child on the basis of the parents’ ability to have emotional and physical energy left over for the other child. If they are happy in the spacing, the older child will adjust to any configuration
Maybe you interested with my article about How to Understand Child Behavior
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